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A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

the same...but different.

When i got married I did all the usual things of joining wedding sites and forums where I quickly discovered that most bride-to-bes are completely mental.

Seriously, proper, MENTAL.   I'm amazed that most weddings even take place as if I planned to marry someone as barking as these women I would soon get cold feet and do a runner.

Undeterred, I have joined Babycentre to find out all about 'my little bundle of joy' (yep, you have to call your growing baby something pretty vomit-inducing, as if the usual nausea wasn't enough....!).  The informative stuff is brilliant.  The experts tell you enough to let you know what to expect and how to deal with everything but without scaremongering.  We all know that being pregnant doesn't always end with a beautiful baby (or even a pretty ugly one) unfortunately and one should be prepared for that.  Reality sucks but it is a fact of life.

Babycentre, naturally, has the usual forums and community boards.  It seems that all the afore-mentioned women from the wedding sites are back and this time they have surging hormones.  And husbands who are total arseholes.  So, now I'm confused.  How do this many mental women get husbands and then try to reproduce even though their husbands have morphed into neanderthals?

Not my problem. 

I may just have to stick to the 'informative and factual' part of Babycentre and leave the loonies to their own chatter.  Life really is too short for all that.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Common Sense

I am constantly astounded by our friends and acquaintances.   From the minute we got married, we were asked almost weekly if I was 'pregnant yet'.  At that point we hadn't expressed any desire to get down to business with that anyway so why should it be assumed that marriage = babies?

I actually spent around 4 months drinking fairly heavily just to prove that i wasn't pregnant!  I wouldn't mind, but I'm not generally a big drinker and often drive to events but i just couldn't take the questions anymore.

Some of our closer friends knew when we had started trying and knew that we weren't having much luck and were sympathetic to our plight but without making it a big deal or common knowledge.

However in the last few weeks we have sold our flat and are in the process of buying a new house.  When we made this decision I was not pregnant, we just wanted to move anyway into something bigger.  During that process we discovered that I was pregnant and we were pretty chuffed  with our timing - hoping that we can be all finished and moved well before i get too enormous.

But apparently we can't just be moving house.  We must be moving house for a reason.   People at work keep telling me the new place is big enough for babies, our friends are actually coming outright and asking if there is something I want to share with them? (erm, no.  If i did then I would volunteer the information without the need for you to ask).
Even one of our neighbours asked Hubby on Saturday if I was 'expecting'.  I think we may need to speak more quietly when the windows are open in the flat....

Went to a birthday party on Saturday night and told nobody that i wasn't drinking (Hubby kept putting 'vodka' lime and sodas in front of me  - minus the vodka) nor that I was driving, yet still 3 people hinted at 'my condition' and one of Hubby's friends took him to one side and came right out and asked him.  At that point (ie: several pints into the evening) he couldn't even deny it and just swore him to secrecy.

Some may think that it's lovely our friends are so interested and happy for us etc, but I can't help feeling that some people are being terribly insensitive and downright rude.  Most of these people already have children and know how uncertain the first 12 weeks are.

I'm 38 years old  - hardly in the first flush of youth - so any risks of the first trimester are more than doubled for an old bird like me.  It will be bad enough if we get to the 12 week scan to be told bad news without having to then share and explain it to half of South East London.

I successfully managed to guess  2 friends' pregnancies in the last year but I said nothing to them (or to anyone else except my Hubby) until they called me to give me the news  - strangely enough - after their 12 week scan....And funnily enough, they are the two people  who haven't asked any questions at all and have kept quiet, even though I know they are suspicious.

Is it too much to ask for a little tact and sensitivity over these things?

Monday, 19 September 2011

YAWN!

God I'm tired.

I've decided that early pregnancy is designed to give you an insight into  what your life will be like once the sprog has appeared - erratic sleep patterns and constantly feeling like you need just one more nap....

I can barely keep my eyes open once I get past 2pm and then wake up again around 8.  This is not good.  The waking up at 5am is not exactly my idea of fun either.

Who's stupid idea was it to have a full-time job, try to move house and get pregnant....?! Oh yeh, mine. Whoops.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Secrecy

God this is hard!

I thought it would be quite easy to keep my news to myself and not be rumbled but it's getting more difficult rather than easier.  We have so many 'engagements' in the next week or so and there are so many times that our friends will believe that I just wanted to drive  (I know it's hard to believe but I do drive quite a lot so that's not so far fetched but I have a feeling that me driving to the 40th birthday party next week that is only a 10 minute bus ride from our house might be pushing the realms of credibility).

Some friends know that we had been having difficulty conceiving and to those people I can still use the whole ' trying to lay off the booze to increase our chances' ruse but to the rest, I'm almost out of excuses.  I haven't used the antibiotics one yet, but I'm saving that for a bit.  You never know when you need something like that up your sleeve.

It's getting trickier too as I'm starting to get 'symptoms'  - I say that in a tongue-in-cheek way as obviously being pregnant is not an illness. 
I've been so smug as I've not been feeling sick or tired or anything (although I have had a worrying cramping down one side that now seems to have gone away - thank goodness), until yesterday.
I sat at my desk at work at 3pm and could not keep my eyes open.  I had to fake illness to go home where I lay on the sofa and slept til Hubby came home at 7pm.  I just about managed to make dinner while he went to the supermarket (believe me, i could not be trusted in a car last night) and then dozed all evening...until he decided to snack on rice cakes... who knew those things SMELL SO BAD!!!  I usually love rice cakes but oh god...i could smell them as he opened the packet in the kitchen.  Gross.  Clearly my heightened sense of smell has now kicked in too.

Then I had to fight back  the nausea that the toothpaste induced this morning.  Brilliant, now personal hygiene is being affected!

Tonight we're going to a friends for dinner and she's making Indian ...

Wish me luck - I've got another 6 weeks of this!

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Strrreeesssssssss!

Given my condition (haha), 'they say' that I should be avoiding stress and learning to chill out a bit more.  Not easy seeing as I am a ball of worry - I worry about not having anything to worry about, I'm that bad.

I don't think I'm doing well so far:
1) best friend emigrated to Canadia* on Saturday.  Cue dinner for two on Thursday with me having to tell her about my 'situation' to avoid her getting her getting het up about me not drinking.  This culminated in the pair of us in floods of tears on the sofa at 1am with hubby trying to be supportive, yet invisible.  Also resulting in her feeling even more guilty about leaving me when I needed her most.
2) we put the flat on the market on Saturday.  And we've agreed to pay the estate agent more money than I could ever imagine feasible.
3) there is talk of redundancy at work - we're being sold YET AGAIN and who knows what the new mummy and daddy will do with us.
4) Husb and I worked out the finances with a bigger mortgage and me on maternity pay.  It works - just.  So long as we don't want any of those little luxuries - you know, like food and heating.
5) Dad got told he's being made redundant today.  He, however, is doing backflips and can't bloomin' wait.  Lucky sod.

I will definitely be putting the lottery subscription in as 'essential' costs in our budget....

* If the inhabitants of Canada are called Canadians then the country should be called Canadia

Friday, 2 September 2011

It's semi-official

It was quite clear.  And it said, most definitely, 'Pregnant'  '1 - 2 weeks'.  I think it might have been telling the truth too as I definitely don't seem to be getting the usual confirmation that I'm not pregnant.

Let's think about this; we've been trying for 10 months and think there may have been 2 instances when we've been successful but, alas, my body didn't seem to think it was a good idea at the time.  I could be wrong - nothing has ever been confirmed and it would have been far too early for a doctor to tell I reckon.

In that time, I've stopped smoking, been sparing with the booze, taken my folic acid/vitamins, tried to keep fit and eat relatively healthily. 
Over the last 4 weeks, I've had a cigarette (shhhhh, don't tell hubby), had at least 4 big nights when I've drunk a significant amount, dangled off ladders inhaling far too many paint fumes than is healthy, dyed my own hair over the bath inhaling lord knows what chemicals and indulged in some pretty intense gym sessions. One of the 'significant amount of alcohol' days was the day before doing the first pregnancy test.  Ooops.  Think i might have eaten a substantial amount of brie that day too.  Double ooops.

Naturally , my doctor's surgery is overbooked and i can't get an appointment until next Thursday so it's not been officially confirmed yet.  Don't know if that's good or bad really.  I'm trying not to get too excited, it's early days and I don't want to tempt fate - I've known far too many people who have been disappointed and upset at an early stage.  God that sounds maudlin doesn't it.  At what point does cautious become pessimistic?

That aside, I have so many drinking opportunities booked in the diary this month that I will have to become extremely adept at lying through my teeth to people.  I think I may be more successful at this than Hubby who is already trying to concoct convoluted stories as to why I might be driving/not drinking. Oh dear.  He really has to learn that the best lies are the simple ones.  At least I should be safe in the knowledge that I'll always know when he's fibbing his arse off to me.