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A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Long time no speak...

So it's been three months since my last post. Babies huh?
I knew other would hard but not this hard.

I watch mums walk up and down my road with their prams , and walk round the shops with sleeping babies and i wish i could do that. But i can't. I'm filled with dread whenever i consider going out alone. My son cries. Then when he's done crying, he cries some more. If you hold him and walk about he stops. If you push his pram cross country he will sleep . But if you want to stop moving or sit down, he will scream.  shopping is impossible. Housework is impossible. My life is impossible.

He is better around other people - he likes noise and voices. Unfortunately the radio and tv don't cut it.  it has to be other people. Even then it only works for a few minutes.

Perhaps if he gave in to sleep he would be in a better mood. I pay a fortune to an Osteopath each week to try to chill him out. We've done baby massage . It's fine while he's there but not when we leave.
As i am typing, on my phone as i can't possibly get the laptop out, he is laying on the floor screaming. I have spent 12 weeks cooing , soothing, cuddling, remaining calm and generally tying to be chilled. I tell myself it will get better. But it's  not so now i will just have to let him scream it out.
God i hope this gets better soon.
I am shattered.