In four weeks time I will be returning to world of work. Deep joy and rapture....
I've shocked myself. I thought I would be desperate to get back to work by now but actually I am getting a little upset about leaving Boychild in a nursery almost every day. I have never had a problem with working mothers or childcare - in this day and age, needs must. And personally I do think that everyone needs a little adult conversation on a regular basis and Lord knows have I been lacking in that over the last few months!
But now the guilt has started. Not from anyone else - I don't think anyway - but from me. When I tell people I'm going back to work, I use the word 'unfortunately' when saying I'm going back full-time, and 'for now'. I finally understand what Husb has been saying for the last 8 months about how much he misses Boychild each day especially if he doesn't make it home in time to bath him before he goes to bed. I know I will see him every night but that will literally be all. I will pick him up from nursery at 6.30 and by the time we get home the little munchkin will be getting in the bath and going to bed.
So what to do? Somehow I don't think there will be any record labels springing up in SE London and within a 30 minute commute any time soon, nor do I think I will find any similar work that will even come close to my salary closer to home so I guess I will have to just suck it up and accept that my working will, at least for now, be an investment for his future. If I work now then hopefully I can drop down to part-time or career change in the next year or two once we're a little more financially secure. I'm sure he'll forgive me! Besides, what's so bad about being in a room full of toys and other kids to play with all day long? He'll probably have more fun there than he does now watching me hoover!
- A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.