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A first time mum at 39, trying not to let my son kill me off too soon. Busy juggling a new family, a new house and a tricky recording schedule I figured blogging would be less expensive than therapy and less embarrassing than shouting at rude and stupid people in the street/on trains/at the supermarket.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Back to work resolutions!

It's time for a change.  I'm not saying that I've 'let myself go' since having Boychild but I have relaxed things somewhat.  Don't misunderstand me, I will not leave the house without washing my hair and doing my make-up but the wardrobe has slipped somewhat.  Therefore I have made a decision that back to work is my 'New Year' and things have got to change.

1) Weight Watchers.  Got to be done.  Still a good 12lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy and I wasn't exactly svelte before then.  At least 24lbs heavier than on my wedding day which was less than 3 years ago.   Going to be 40 in 3 months time.  I refuse to be this fat and 40!

2) Dress for work. After spending the last year in stretch jeans, comfy shoes and hoodies, I need to smarten up.  My job doesn't need suits (positively frowned upon!) but smart jeans, heels, jackets and funky shirts are in order. That and ensuring I am not wearing something sporting baby vomit, baby snot or dried milk. 

3) Good underwear .  Finally bought some new bras last week.  Ones that fit rather than the preggy one-size-bigger efforts I was slobbing about in, but the pants....well, I know comfort has suddenly become more important than style but I'm way too young for granny pants on a daily basis.  Once back to work, a lunchtime visit to M&S without a buggy will definitely be a priority.

4) Ditch the maternity nighties. Probably too much information, but considering I slept pretty much naked for years and in the cold I might have found an oversized t-shirt, since Baby Boy was born I have stuck with the shapeless, long maternity nighties.  Not sexy.  Not attractive.  Certainly not conducive with maintaining nocturnal activities with Husb.

5)  Listen to some PROPER music. Knowing all the words to the song on 'Baby Jake' is not cool and won't cut it in the office.  I cannot wait to have the time to listen to my beloved ipod again.  It's been turned on twice since I had Boychild.


Monday, 21 January 2013

Back to the grindstone...

In four weeks time I will be returning to world of work.  Deep joy and rapture....

I've shocked myself.  I thought I would be desperate to get back to work by now but actually I am getting a little upset about leaving Boychild in a nursery almost every day.   I have never had a problem with working mothers or childcare - in this day and age, needs must.  And personally I do think that everyone needs a little adult conversation on a regular basis and Lord knows have I been lacking in that over the last few months!

But now the guilt has started.  Not from anyone else - I don't think anyway - but from me.  When I tell people I'm going back to work, I use the word 'unfortunately' when saying I'm going back full-time, and 'for now'.  I finally understand what Husb has been saying for the last 8 months about how much he misses Boychild each day especially if he doesn't make it home in time to bath him before he goes to bed.   I know I will see him every night but that will literally be all.  I will pick him up from nursery at 6.30 and by the time we get home the little munchkin will be getting in the bath and going to bed.  

So what to do?  Somehow I don't think there will be any record labels springing up in SE London and within a 30 minute commute any time soon, nor do I think I will find any similar work that will even come close to my salary closer to home so I guess I will have to just suck it up and accept that my working will, at least for now, be an investment for his future.  If I work now then hopefully I can drop down to part-time or career change in the next year or two once we're a little more financially secure.  I'm sure he'll forgive me!  Besides, what's so bad about being in a room full of toys and other kids to play with all day long?  He'll probably have more fun there than he does now watching me hoover!

Sunday, 20 January 2013

So I had these romantic ideas about motherhood and blogging.  Thought I would be able to write about all the cool/funny/cute/revolting stuff I had experienced that day whilst my scrummy bundle of joy slept off his busy day.
The reality is that, like most parents, the evenings are spent clearing up, washing bottles, finally getting dinner 2 hours later than pre-baby and then collapsing on the sofa hoping the phone doesn't ring and trying to pretend to watch TV for an hour before falling into bed praying your little darling sleeps through for once.

But do I regret having a baby?  Not a bit.  I won't lie, I am exhausted most of the time and my body has yet to recover (I live in hope...) but Boychild really is one of the best things I have ever done.  He is funny, clever, foolhardy, slightly mental and extremely hyperactive.  But most importantly, he is mine and he's beautiful. I mean, who could not love this little face?



I just have to be more realistic about blogging.  No time to be clever or witty, all I need to do is remember all the stuff that makes me smile during the day and then do a quick blog when I get the chance.  Who needs an essay anyway?